The Present

Happy Christmas Eve Eve: a day best spent hiding in my house away from INSANE shoppers. Yesterday I was surrounded by them, their car crashes, road rage, and their insessant need to scream obsenities at people in stores. All my religious friends are shocked by my dislike of Christmas (which was present before Grandpa's death and is only magnified this year). But to me, Christmas is no longer "the most wonderful time of year" full of "peace on earth, goodwill towards men." It is an ugly look into how awful humans can be.

That being said, two weeks ago, during the power outage I did see many acts that would fit more with the way I think these Christians should be acting to commemorate the birth of their Christ. During the power outage, neighbors came together to help and support each other. People shared firewood with those that had none. In my complex a woman shared her little grill so that people could cook their excess and rapidly spoiling food. And best of all as I sat up cold and mourning my grandfather, a little very warm six year old shared her blanket with me and hugged me tight until I fell asleep. There is nothing like the love of a child.

This morning I talked to the man that I almost married 10 years ago. It was great fun. It was lovely to get his christmas card and see how beautiful his children are. I still adore him, but I am so thankful he ended up with his wife and I ended up being who I am. I would be such a different person married to him. He was very conservative and religious. I can't imagine who I would be if I had tried to fit into that life. Even though things are stressful right now, I really love my life.